Paul and I were glad we’d decided not to off ourselves, but that didn’t stop us from feeling miserable sometimes. It was difficult to keep our minds off the inevitable. I told G that I didn’t know how to describe exactly how I felt about Paul leaving, ‘cept that it was gonna be like a hole in my life that would never heal. I didn’t tell him about Paul and me planning to off ourselves, though. He woulda freaked big time.
Cape Town, South Africa
This afternoon, Paul and I are going to the gym where he’s a member. There’s no swimming at school this week. When we do start swim prac again, I think it’s gonna be at the health club cos they have a heated pool there, and the school uses three of their lanes.
Paul reckons he needs to get my mind offa sex, so he’s gonna show me how to use the weights and stuff, and I can take over his membership there. That is so cool cos it’s expensive as hell and I know my folks couldn’t afford to pay for it.
I saw Gareth in the locker room when I was showering, and I asked him if he managed to keep his hands off Darren when they were sleeping together on the hike. He just laughed. Gareth has become a real cool friend, though he’s older [by about a year]. He hangs out with Darren quite a bit now, and I know that they go out a lot together with their girlfriends to clubs and stuff.
Yeah, right. So much for Paul taking my mind off sex at the gym. That night I had this real cool dream about Kostik and me, and I was screwing my bed. I musta shot a load cos I woke up next morning with my stomach and my bed covered this white sticky stuff. Dunno what it was – hehehe.
Anyway I had to clean it up quickly and then make my bed before my mom saw it. I knew what would eventually happen, though. She would check cos she would be wondering why I made my bed so early – and there would be clean bedding on when I got home from school. Moms were cool.
I was totally late by the time I’d arrived at the comp lab and emailed G, telling him about my Kostik dream. Gym didn’t do too much for my muscles yesterday, ‘cept the muscles at the tops of my legs are as sore as anything cos of the leg extensions we were doing.
I hadn’t been writing to G as often as I usually did, which was a coupla times a day. I also hadn’t been on the net as often. As the time for Paul to leave Cape Town drew nearer, my thoughts were occupied by what life would be like without him, and how much I was gonna miss him.
I’m sorry for not writing so much. I’ve actually not been on the net so much either. And it’s not just cos of homework. I just haven’t been feeling like it at the moment.
Yesterday, after I came home and finished my homework, I just read for most of the time. And then Paul came around and we went surfing for a few hours. The weather is real crappy but the surf has been cool.
Yesterday, after school, I passed the sports field, and all the rugby guys were practising in the rain. I saw Robert there, and his buddy. They looked real cool in their togs, all wet and fulla mud.
Last night I went with my folks for pizza at the mall. They know that I feel down about Paul leaving and all, so they’ve been super cool, even though I’ve been trying to act normal like nothing’s going on.
Hehehe. Would you believe that I never even jacked off last night? It must be the first time in a hundred years.
The good news was that G seemed to have solved his probs with the Daniel site. He’d met a dude named Winston who was a fan of the Daniel stories, and a bit of a comp wizz. He was gonna sort out the site and update it on a regular basis, taking over from where Dave had left off.
Meantime, it was just a few days away from Paul’s flight to England. I went shopping with him and his mom. He wanted to buy a whole lotta stuff to take with him. One of the shops we visited was Woolworths.
Convo between G and me:
Hey, G, do you remember that ‘Caring for Cody’ story I sent you? The one where Jeff takes Cody shopping?
Paul was trying on a paira chinos and I was in the change room with him. He asked me if I remembered reading that part of the story where Cody blows Jeff in the store. Hehehe. Hell yeah!!!
“Shit! I knew I shoulda mowed the fucking lawn or something instead of checking your mail.”
So we blew each other right there.
“This is soooo incredible! How AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The guy from the store knocked on the door once and asked if everything was OK while Paul had a mouthful of my boner. So I tried to sound like Paul, but my damn voice came out all weird cos as I opened my mouth to speak I started shooting my load.
Hehehehe. Paul bust right there and my juice shot all over him. I thought he was gonna choke cos he was laughing so much. He turned the one pair of chinos inside out so he could clean himself. Some lucky dude is gonna buy chinos fulla my juice – hehehe. They’d better take them off sale, huh.
“I WANNA BUY ‘EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Anyway, we went to Milky Lane and got some fresh fruit juice. While his mom was doing her shopping, we played some arcade games. We mainly stayed on the bike racing, where you each sit on a bike and race each other on these huge video screens.
“Ask that arcade owner if I can buy the saddle you sat on.”
It’s almost weekend and I should be happy about it but time is just going too damn quickly now.
"Yeah, I know mate. It’s slipping away to the inevitable. There’s no way anyone can do anything about stopping the hurt. It’s just something you’re gonna have to deal with. It won’t be the last time life smacks you in the chops.
“Y’know, those weights at the gym build your muscles by tearing the muscle tissue, which heals and then gets bigger. Life does that to your heart. Hang in there, kiddo. Cry all you want cos every tear will be a gift to Paul.”
That Friday night, April 24, 1998, we had the big party for Paul, and it was really cool. It took place at Darren’s house, where Paul was given a special engraved neck chain. All the guys in the swim team had paid for it. It was engraved with his name, and the name of the school. On the reverse side it showed a swimmer. It was really neat.
Darren said some really nice things about Paul during the presentation – about how he was gonna be missed, not only by the swim team but also by the whole damn school.
Paul responded by getting to his feet and saying some really nice things about everyone. “And now I have something really special to do. I’ll be back in a tick.”
Paul winked at me as he walked past and went to Darren’s room. What the fuck? He emerged a moment later holding his stick. And right there in front of everyone, he gave it to me. “This is for you, Code. Your damn stick is so fulla dings it’s a wonder the thing hasn’t broken into a thousand pieces already.”
I was crying cos I hadn’t expected it. Well, I thought he might but I didn’t think he would just give it to me like that in front of all the guys. I guessed he wanted everyone to know what he thought of me, and what wicked buds we were.
After the party, Paul and I walked back to his place together, and it was so neat to be carrying his stick down the road. It even had a board cover to keep it clean.
We had a totally cool time at his house. We never slept at all. In bed, he slid down and laid his head on my stomach. My boner was just above his chest. We spoke for hours, remembering all the good times we’d shared. Yeah, we did stuff that night, but it was just being close that was so cool.
Next day we were down at the beach most of the time, surfing. And that night, Paul slept over at my place. It would be the very last time, and it felt so weird. I couldn’t explain it to G. I just said that it wasn’t so great knowing that we would never be together like that again.
At the airport, we sat around a table drinking coffee with our folks waiting for Paul’s flight. We’d already said just about everything we had to say during the days leading up to his departure. So there wasn’t a lotta convo at the airport. Just smalltalk.
When we heard his flight called over the PA, saying that passengers were required to board the aircraft, we shook hands and hugged. I watched him disappear. Suddenly it was like I had this feeling of total emptiness inside me – like a major part of me had been torn away. The last 15 years of my life had evaporated as Paul gave me a final wave.
On the drive back home, I sat silently in the back seat. My folks understood that I wasn’t in the mood to chat, so they were cool about it. They were cool about it for the next few days as well, leaving me to sulk in my room or sit silently at the dinner table. What could anyone say that would make me feel better? Nobody really understood. Nobody really knew how close Paul and I were. Nobody except G.
About a week later, something happened that lifted my spirits. I made a new friend at the beach today. He’s 14 and cute. But I reckon he’s probably straight. He was wearing those baggies that sorta hung really low on his hips, and they were loose. And those lines from his hips to his pubes looked so damn hot! Some of his pubes were sticking outta the top of his pants, and he wasn’t wearing Speedos underneath cos you could see his furniture pushing his baggies out. He’s got longish brown hair that almost comes to his shoulders, and it hangs in his eyes. He’s got a decent tan and nice pecs. You would drool, G – hehehe.
He goes to a different school but he surfs every day. I dunno why I’ve never noticed him before, though. I met him on the back [of the swell] at the lineup.
I’m gonna jack off tonight thinking about him - hehehe.
I’ve had a really nice day today. Meeting him was really cool, and he kinda thinks I’m a boff cos I’m [a year] older. :)
Yeah, it was totally cool meeting this new dude. Apart from his looks, there was something about him that was kinda special. The way he smiled at me like he wanted to be my friend. He was different to Darren and Gareth and the guys on the swim team. They were all good buddies but not like it was between me and Paul. So I was kinda hoping that this new dude would kinda fill the hole that Paul had left behind. Even just a little bit.
[The email referring to Cody and Paul’s last hike together is missing (if there was one) but you can read the story written by Code of a hike with the guys in December 1997, about four months before Paul left Cape Town for England in one of the Cody/TJ stories]
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Codeman Part 10