Cape Town, South Africa
I am typing this on notebook and I am gonna paste it into a note to ya later. I haven’t checked any mail but I know there’s a stack there.
I’m sorry for not writing since the hike, but I’m sure that you understand that I’ve not been able to get onto the net [cos of school vac].
The hike was totally awesome and I never got sick this time. I’ll writeya about it as soon as I can. Steve had a total rave – now he’s a hiking junkie. I think he just wants to share his sleeping bag with someone – hehehe.
There’s been a few days of surf – not that big, but neat and hot and sunny. There are a lotta people in Cape Town on hols [late December] and some really cute butts. J And bulging Speedos. J J And rippling abs. J And neat pecs. J And good legs. J And even some neat pubes sticking outta board shorts. :):):):)
Anyway, the real reason I’m writing is cos I needed to before Christmas. I wantya to have the most awesomely rad Christmas that anyone can ever have. I hope that 1999 is the best year ever forya. You have been such a good friend to so many thousands of guys and probably stopped a lotta them from offing themselves through your stories and emails.
I wanta giveya a huge Cody hug for being such a good friend to me through my ups and downs during the year.
OH YEAH!!! I went with my mom to the nursery and I asked her to buy me this small cactus in a small pot. It has a tiny blue flower on the side. I wanted it cos it looks pretty tough and like it can handle a whole lotta crap. I call it Gary and it reminds me of ya. I took some of my permanent markers and made a pattern of letters on the side of the pot that say YRG-BT.
Thanks for being such a good friend
Have a crazy happy peaceful Christmas and totally awesome new year
I’d wanted to tell G that Paul and I were two of the guys who’d almost offed themselves, but who had changed their minds at the last possible moment. But I wasn’t sure G should know about it cos he might’ve thought we were crazy or irresponsible or whatever. I was his hero, so what kinda hero would I be if he knew I’d almost suicided?
I needta writeya so I’m doing this offline and hoping that I’ll get a chance later to send it to ya.
It is a way damn fantastic day in Cape Town today. It is hot with no wind. Only prob is there isn’t any surf either – anywhere.
The hols have been totally rad so far. Have spent most of the time at the beach with Steve. They’ve got a bungee rocket on the beach. It’s damn expensive but Steve and I went on it once. It’s a total headrush. The two guys that run it are Aussies and totally damn HOT. They just wear boardshorts all day. They must be about in their twenties with blonde hair and totally awesome bods, and they both carry a furniture store. I looked. J
Anyway, you sit in this capsule thing. On each side of it are these two long poles about four storeys high with cables from the top of them attached to the sides of the capsule. The cables pull tight like elastic while this one dude chats to you. And when the thing is ready he points to the sky and says, “bye”. And before you know it you are shooting up at a helluva speed – way above the tops of those poles. Then the capsule starts to turn and you head for the ground upside down. FUCK! I almost shat myself. Steve almost went white through his tan. Then the capsule turns and bounces up again. And then you slowly come back down. It was awesome.
I still haven’t written a damn thing about the hike yet. I will, though – eventually.
I managed to have a look at your temp site for Daniel. I must tellya it is totally damn cool. You musta worked damn hard. It is a totally pro site. The damn best. I hope that ya get it up and running soon.
John has been doing work on my site for me cos the way things are now I’ll never get it up. I’ve sent him all the stuff by email and he put it together for me. I was hoping that he would change the layout from the one I had, but I guess I’ll have to look at it myself when I get a chance. I wonder how long before Tripod trashes it. Have a look and let me know, huh?
There are still a lotta broken links but I just wanta get the damn thing up else it will never get going. I’ve done a lotta work on the page pic graphics but I’m not sure if the guys are gonna like it. Maybe they will prefer the way I used to have it with the full pic.
[John is the guy who emailed me in December 2001 and told me of Cody’s death. MrB]
Steve [who turned 15 on September 1 that year] has been staying over at my place quite a bit and we’ve been getting down a LOT. Steve is starting to enjoy my feather touches now – especially on his chest and abs and the insides of his legs. It drives him totally wild and he gets an instant boner. Also, if the folks aren’t around, he just hangs out naked which is totally damn awesome.
I got a t-shirt from Paul for Christmas. It’s a surf shirt from Cornwall and totally cool. He wrote a message on the inside label for me: ILUC. Made me miss him all over again. He’s worried about Mark, though. Thinks his little bro is getting into drugging with his friends. He’ll keep me posted.
Now, I hope I can send this to ya soon.
Missya Gary – stacks.
It was after mid-January 1999 when I was able to email G on a regular basis again cos I was back at school, and had access to the comp lab. Woohoo! Meantime, G told me that he, Lindsay and Sue had moved to a new apartment in Sydney after having a lotta trouble trying to find a place they could afford. They had to move outta their previous house cos the owner wanted to renovate it and sell it.
Hey! Guess who this is? I’m kinda not tall but tanned and kinda mop-haired and almost young.
Hiya you old fossil!
Hey, Gary, I’ve missed ya – BIG FUCKING TIME.
They’ve got this thingy on the radio with a jingle that goes like this – “back to school – back to reality” and we all hate the damn thing.
Well, I gotta tellya, this vac has been the bomb. Steve and I are like the best buddies ever. OK, he’s not a Paul but he’s so damn neat. And there’s been another development as well – besides his boner. He told me the other day that he’s convinced he’s gay. He started to cry and he got me going as well. He said that he jacks off at night thinking about me and the things we do, and about other guys he’s seen on the beach.
I tried to tell him that a lotta guys have feelings like that when they’re our age but I don’t think I was too convincing. He was just taking it damn hard and I was worried about him. I hugged him tight to me and sure enough he started to get a boner but I didn’t say anything about it. He was crying so hard, and I had tears in my eyes cos I felt so damn helpless.
He told me that he’s in love with me and that it drove him crazy on the days when we didn’t see each other cos all he thought about was what I was doing, and was I with other guys and enjoying myself.
So what do I feel about that? I dunno. I feel so damn confused but also so damn proud of Steve that he came right out and said that. And he still thinks I’m straight even in spite of that. That is what is driving him crazy.
I know this might be selfish but I’m not ready to admit to Steve anything like that yet. Fuck, if he can’t guess that I like him a lot then he must be a grasshopper or something. Well, a grasshopper with a sixpack, and a great bod with a tan. I’m not sure I love him. I loved Paul with all my damn heart and still do.
Hey, I’m glad you like the new place. That was like a Christmas present news for me – way damn cool.
My site? Well, a few guys have come up with ideas and I’ve also written to FreeNation asking them if they will host it. One of my [guestbook] visitors said he will host it if I can get the files downloaded to him.
I’ve gotta move – almost back to reality. :( But at least I can writeya.
When I mentioned John, G kinda got a bit worried. Probably thought he was a dirty old man or something. G was always worried about me getting into shit with older dudes. So I had to explain a few things. He also sent me a bunch of cool advice about the way I should handle Steve’s prob about thinking he was gay.
The weekend was totally rad. There wasn’t a lotta surf at our local beach so Steve and I just hung out. (NO, NOT THAT – WELL, NOT ALL THE TIME. Damn!)
Hey, don’t worry about John. He’s pretty cool, and he’s never done anything to make me think he wants to get holda my boner – although I’m sure he would if I let him. :) I’m sure he’ll writeya again – COS HE THINKS YOU’RE PRETTY COOL FOR AN OLD DUDE – hehehe. He’s 48.
Now, I must tellya…
Do you remember how Paul and I usedta just lie [on the bed] and touch each other and talk?
Steve slept over on Saturday night. My folks had gone to bed, so he [got off the spare mattress on the floor] and slipped in next to me. It felt totally cool feeling his skin right up against me, and his breathing was warm on my face.
Anyway, we got talking, and the convo got around to his subject of being gay. I told him that I loved him, too. (SHUDDUP GARY) I also told him about what you’d said about gay just being a label, and that it didn’t mean that gay people are not normal. He asked me if I was gay. (SHUDDUP GARY) I said I wasn’t sure. (YES, I KNOW I SHOULDA TOLD HIM RIGHT OUT. BUT, YOU SEE, I’VE GOT THIS HUGE FUCKING HANGUP ABOUT BEING GAY AS WELL – not about me but just about how people think, and how it would make people treat me, and I’d lose my friends).
Anyway, I told him that maybe he’s not [gay], and that the two of us just enjoy each other so much that we actually love each other. We spoke for ages, and his fingers were running over my stomach and my legs. My pubes were soaked in precum, and my damn boner was roaring. I could feel his rock-hard boner against my side.
Anyway, when we’d finished talking, he rolled on top of me and then kissed me, and forced his tongue into my mouth. My tongue went into his and we both went totally wild. It was like electricity was going through me. Our boners were being squashed, and I felt like I was gonna shoot a bucket. His hard muscled skin felt like hard silk up against me.
We kissed for ages, and then he started to suck my nipple and it was over. I shot a bucketful. I could feel it ooze between us. And then I could feel him about to shoot his load. Gary – it was awesome. I didn’t think that could ever happen with anyone else besides Paul.
Then we took turns in cleaning each other with our tongues. We never slept. We spoke some more, and then we did a 69. It was the most awesome way fucking damn cool time I’ve had with anyone since Paul left. AND HE’S A HUNK AS WELL! I am so damn lucky to have Steve around.
Sunday we went to the beach and just hung out with some of my friends from school. Steve has got this thing with his boardshorts that they hang away from the front of his gut, and if you follow the arrows [obliques] you can see his pubes. It’s only his cock and ass that keep the damn things from falling off. And the girls love him to death. He smiles and they get wet. So do I. I think he’s gonna be OK.
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Codeman Part 18