Convo between me and G:
Cape Town, South Africa
I’ll tellya about what happened on the swim tour cos I wanta. I needta tell someone and I can’t tell Steve. I’ve been crazy depressed about what happened, but at the same time it was exciting – if that makes any fucking sense at all.
I’m gonna tellya every thing that happened, a lot of it not good cos there were drugs there and I got involved. It ended up with me letting the swim team down, and I know that I’ve been kicked off [the team] for the season. My folks wanted to know all about it cos I guess my mom saw that there was something different about me when I got home. Steve says I’ve changed cos I’m quieter than I was. Every time I think about what went on, I get depressed cos I’m not able to talk about it.
I think the worst thing is that I’ve been contacted by this guy [the rapist], and he wants to meet me when he comes to Cape Town. He phoned my house – I dunno how the fuck he got the number unless I gave it to him when I was smoked up. I don’t wanna see him again and I don’t wanna get involved in that scene. This is like the closest I’ve come to screwing up everything I have, and I still can’t believe it all happened on a school swim tour. It all started out so damn cool cos the guy whose family I was staying [billeted] with is so fucking hot and awesome. And he’s the one who got me involved.
>But I have to admit that you’re the most amazing young bloke I’ve ever met. Totally rad. Underneath all that macho fucking and fighting there’s a heart of melted butter.
When I see you write stuff like that I feel like I’ve really let you down. After all I said about [being anti] drugs and not behaving like a slut and having only one special person in my life.
>Let that be a warning to you when you deal with dudes like Wingnut.
He’s been around. I can’t believe how I missed him when I was away. If he found out about me and what happened, I reckon he’d either be pretty pissed or he’d try it himself. I’d rather he was pissed about it.
>I’ve been wanting to warn you about that kind of eventuality for some time, but I didn’t quite know how to put it.
Hey, I’m not totally thick. I’ve been avoiding these situations. I coulda made a lotta money if I’d taken guys up on offers to pose for pics. There was even a dude in the States that wanted to come over [here] and for me to act in a video for him. Yeah, fucking right. I think I’m old and stupid enough to be aware of the situations that can arise. So why did I do it [on the tour]? Cos I didn’t want to be the wussy of the party, and we were fucking miles from anywhere, so there was nowhere to run.
>If you don’t wanna tell me about the details with the 30 yo dude, that’s cool. If you wanna, that’s cool, too. I’ll leave it up to you.
I needta tell someone and you’re the only one I can.
>Hey, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.
This dude is a fucking predator, and I think he’s got Kim by the balls. Kim’s the guy I was staying with. I think he’s [in] so deep, he doesn’t know how to get out. At least I could get back to Cape Town.
>Now you can share with me the thrill of launching MrB [as soon as I can get that fucking CGI script figured out]
I’m looking forward to seeing it live. You’ve done so well, G, and I really wishya everything of the best with the site. I hope that one day you’ll have your beach house and get to ogle the surfer dudes – hehehe.
>Put the past behind you, mate – that’s where it belongs.
I guess I will, but it fucked up my brain big time. I think just too much happened in the last month with Steve and his gf and the tour and the strip show and the fighting and getting drugged up. It’s gonna take a little while.
I haven’t read the poem (on MrB) yet cos I haven’t gone into the site yet, but I will. I often think about you when I do things and ask, “Would Gary approve of what I’m doing?” Obviously I didn’t ask the question when I needed to.
Hey, thanks for always being there for me. I appreciate it a stack.
By the way, surf’s been up for a few days now. I’m going surfing this arvie for the first time in ages – with two friends. :) Guess I neeta leave the past in the green room, maybe.
The first time I had a laugh was seeing Wingnut the morning after I got back [from the tour]. He came to show me his board shorts that his folks had bought. He wanted them to fit like my new ones, but they were at least a size too big, and kept on sliding half way down his [ass] crack, and he hadta keep pulling them up a bit. But he fucking beamed when he saw me, and everything that happened [on the tour] seemed to become clouded for a while.
As for Wingnut, well from now on he’s got a protector cos the first person to lay a hand on him will get a fucking hiding from me – including Steve, but I know Steve wouldn’t do that.
Sorry for being late. I got to school late this morning. I went for a Dawn Patrol. ON A SCHOOL MORNING ??? Hehehe – yeah – and I’ve got detention for it.
I needed to see the sun come up. Steve spoke to me yesterday.
“Cody, something’s changed and I don’t like it. I want the old Cody back. Give me that and I’ll give you the old Steve back. You need to see the fucking sun rise, buddy. Whatever’s changed you, lock it away. I need you so damn much.”
So I went for a Dawn Patrol and sat on my stick watching the sun rise – and he was right. I feel different. Everything that’s happened is like a surreal painting for hanging in the attic or basement or somewhere dark where it can’t be seen.
I laid awake last night, though, thinking about Kim. He seemed to be pretty strong, and I hope he can still get out of what he’s into. Gareth [Gazz in the story] I feel sorry for. I think he’s too way gone.
Enough said about that now.
I’ve decided what to do with the money I got from Robert [Slobodan]. Yes, I’ve still got it. I’m gonna buy Wingnut a second-hand stick. I’ve got 100 bucks [rand] in savings so I’ll still owe about 100 bucks. A friend at school is selling a Bilt for about 700, in great nick [condition]. I might be able to knock him for 600 cash. Wingnut is a natural – he’s surfing really well. OK, so he’s not a Steve, but he’s doing damn well.
I got my first tummy hugger [piss boner] this morning since getting back, and it felt good. Surfing yesterday was really good for me – washed off the cobwebs.
I haven’t had a chance to surf the net yet, and I’m dying to read the stories. I can’t wait!
Tonight, I’m gonna ask Steve to sleep over. I need him right now to be close to.
Hey, I’ll try and write later
Thanks for everything – and here’s a huge HUG for ya.
That same day, we had a free period at school, and I wrote a kinda poem as it came into my head. “It’s for you – for everything you’ve done for me.”
The Continuum of Life
(for my friend Gary – the old fossil of Oz)
Muscles taut –
A foot movement,
Hit the lip and turn,
Glide and Zip
Matted hair dripping,
A hand clears the vision,
A golden vortex appears,
Fly in fly in…
The voices call.
A careful balance,
The whisper of the gods
The roar and rumble
The rush of air
The take-off and spit-out.
My arms raised in triumph.
I have not conquered the wave,
She has allowed me to experience her thrill
My blood racin’
My stick stylin’
A wavin’ hand
From a friend.
In the surf?
A friend in the spirit,
Across the wide wide sea.
I see him and he sees me.
The old man of the sea?
A friend in the spirit,
But - he does see
Right inside of me.
The wave peels,
The concentration falters,
The sand below,
Over the falls.
I hear my friend,
It won’t be the last –
The pain and the hurt,
But learn you will.
My eyes cast out –
I see him,
My invisible friend
Across the sea.
I reach out.
The golden wave tumbles,
This is where you left [off] -
I hear the voice say –
Don’t start over..
Start from here.
My arms move
The stick starts flyin’
My feet stand firm,
A vortex appears…
Yes – this is it –
The continuum of nature
The continuum of life.
Another challenge –
and yet another.
I look over my shoulder
at my invisible friend
He sits on the chair on his verandah.
He smiles –
I smile back, the Captain of my stick.
A voice calls out…
Write your name, Cody –
Write your name upon the waves –
And find the solace you so crave.
Thanks, my friend.
The surf is my haven and my inner thoughts but,
my solace comes from knowing you.
G thought my poem was totally rad, and put it up on the MrB site almost right away. :) I told him it was probably the most intense thing I’d ever written.
Met up with Steve after school on Friday and asked him if he wanted to stay [sleep] over. Hehehe – he laughed and said that he was gonna ask me cos he needs my ass.
I spoke to him about buying a stick for Wingnut. He almost threw a wobbly. “Where the fuck are you gonna get the money from?” So I told him I had some saved, but that I would probably be short a hundred. He raved a bit cos he knows I need a wetsuit with winter coming. My old suit is totally stuffed, and it’s got bad crotch rust cos of all the pissing I do in it.
Anyway, I told him that I’d really like to do that [buy a stick] for Wingnut. But [I told him] he wasn’t to even mention it to my folks cos they didn’t know about my savings. Then Steve said that he would give me the 100 bucks diff. :)
So I phoned my mate at school and he said he would bring the stick in [to school] next week, and I could scan it to see if it was OK. One bust, though. There’s no damn leash so I’m gonna have to get a leash somehow. I’ve never seen Wingnut really swim, and I’d never let him go out [in the surf] without a leash. Anyway, that’s gonna cost another 120 bucks for a good Ripcurl. I’m so damn excited, though. I wish I could do it NOW!
I think if Steve knew where the money really came from he wouldn’t give a shit, but cos he doesn’t [know] he thinks I’m crazy to spend so much money on Wingnut. Steve wasn’t mad, though – he just went on about me needing a wetsuit, and that I never buy anything for myself.
Anyway, I’ve got some jobs [around the hood] lined up, and I’ll have enough for a wettie soon.
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Codeman Part 28