Cape Town, South Africa
Hehehe – it’s good to know that your furniture’s still working. And thanks for the Wingnut [chapters]. I think they’re all fantastic. I haven’t read #6 yet – I will later.
Steve eventually came over [to my house] on Saturday arvie late. He wanted to know why I didn’t tell him that I got beaten up at school.
“Kevin said he beat you up at school.”
“He said he planted you and you did nothing.”
“What am I supposed to do? Kick him to death?”
“Hey, I’m just saying what he told me … what he’s telling everybody.”
“That he beat me up?”
“That’s crap. We had a fight but there’s no way he beat me up – anyway, let’s drop it. So how was your night?”
He went on to tell me about Friday night – how stoned and pissed they got. Four of them ended up sleeping over at some girl’s house. Mark was with them. Then Steve told me how he and Ross ended up screwing these girls in Ross’ dad’s car.
“You saying that to piss me off?”
“Hey, that’s life. You want to get pissed off about it then get pissed off. You asked me about Friday night and I’m telling you.”
“Staying over tonight?”
“Not if you’re gonna be a miserable fucking shit like you are now.”
“Yeah? Well, then do what you want, huh.”
“Cody, what’s going on with you? You jealous?”
“Why should I be? That’s life – you said it. I’ll just handle it as it happens.”
Anyway, we sat listening to music for ages – all quiet. And then he said he hadta go.
“Hey, you gonna stay over or what?”
“Hey, Code, let’s rather leave it tonight, huh? You’re in a shitty mood and I can’t handle that right now. And I don’t really believe that Kev beat you up. OK?”
I could feel my eyes starting to water but there was no way I was gonna fucking cry in front of him.
“You coming around [here] tomorrow? Go for a surf?”
“I’ll phone you in the morning.”
Wingnut came around on Saturday evening when he found out that I was in. He asked if he could go surfing with us on Sunday, and I said it would be cool. He didn’t hang around too long – I think he saw that I was in a shitty mood. And then my dad and I had an argument just to make the weekend perfect. He wanted to know how come I was just sitting in my room listening to music. So I told him that all the guys that went clubbing on Friday had plans for tonight, and I guess I wasn’t included cos I wasn’t with them [on Friday night]. I was really laying it on thick. He told me that if I was gonna speak to him like he was one of my schoolmates then he would ground me for a week. “So ground me! I feel like I’m grounded anyway.” So he said he wouldn’t ground me for the week but that I must stay home on Sunday and try and think about who he and my mom were. Fuck!
“Not Sunday! I’ve got plans!”
“You HAD plans. You’re staying at home.”
So I told Steve when he phoned, and he was totally pissed with my dad – hehehe. And then Wingnut came around with his boardshorts on and his stick under his arm, and he was totally disappointed. Me? I tried to act pissed off for most of the day but I couldn’t stay pissed at my folks too long … cos I guess I know my dad was right. My attitude to him was shitty.
Anyway, I did manage to launch the site [Cody’s World] on Saturday. One good thing.
So now I’ve gotta wait for the weekend again. We’ve got a holiday on Wednesday cos there’s elections here.
I’ll read Wingnut later and write again once I get my head sorted out.
I will chat to my folks about what’s going on and how I feel [like you suggested]. I’m missing out on the parties cos of how they think. You don’t hear half of it over there [in Oz]. Every Monday’s paper here has articles about dead teens – guys and girls who’ve OD’d or who’ve been involved in accidents or who’ve been killed in fights or just shot in a pass-by shooting incident, and I think that’s why they [my folks] think like they do. I don’t think they’re too worried about the dope – the dope is so big in school anyway, that if I’d wanted to I could get stoned every day. I reckon a quarter of the guys here are stoned by first recess. Ross and the guys on the team get stoned over weekends and normally at parties or clubs.
OK, I’m gonna be honest about something. As much as I love Steve there is no way I’m gonna let him know that I’m gonna cry every time I can’t get my way. He always tries to come across as the macho one and that’s crap, and that is why I was pissed after hearing what Kev said [about beating me up]. Oh, I spoke to Kev:
“Chill, Cody. The guys know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Well, that’s the way you said it, so if you really wanta take a chance and try and beat me up let me know.”
I was so fucking mad I was shaking cos he admitted he said that [he’d beaten me up and that I did nothing about it]. Anyway, I reckon if Steve feels the same way about me he’d try and meet me fucking half way. He’s going through a shit aggro at the moment and YES I KNOW THAT I AM TOO. And I guess the two of us will have to work it out – and we will. As for stuff that bugs me about being gay, well, it’s no fucking easier now that it was when you were a teen, ‘cept now the gays get their heads kicked in and it’s cool [with society]. So tell me, what doya reckon Wingnut would do if he found out that I was gay, huh? I’ll tellya what he’d do – I reckon he’d probably leave the stick I bought him at my front door and I’d never see him again. And don’t think any different [G]. It’s a fact.
As for Steve and me, maybe I’m also expecting too much. I thought it would be like when Paul was here. But it’s not like that. And also with exams coming, we’re hardly seeing each other. Well, we’ve got hols coming in about four weeks so maybe things will be better then. They’ve got the big Billabong Classic surfing contest in Jeffrey’s Bay in July and I know that Steve was talking about us maybe [hitch] hiking up [there] for that. My folks will never buy into that – hiking 700 km. That’s just over 400 miles. It would be such a trip, though – just the two of us. And all the best riders in the world will be there.
It’s a nice day in Cape Town. Nice weather, that is. England’s gotten its ass kicked outta the World Cup [soccer]. And yeah, well Zim [Zimbabwe] beating us? My mom was pretty chuffed. She was born in Rhodesia, so she’s sorta in the middle of both teams. She always says she wants to take me there on a holiday some day cos they usedta go down to the Victoria Falls after school and hang out.
Hey, I’m feeling better. It’s cool. Things’ll work out OK. I’m sorry if I’ve come across shitty. See? Letting stuff out toya [G] actually makes me feel better. Hey, it might make you feel shitty, but I’m OK – hehehe.
I’ll chat to my folks sometime. My dad said to me a long time ago that I’ve gotta help them out [as parents] cos they didn’t get an instruction book when I was born.
I’m gonna haveta connect with Wingnut as well – just to say sorry for being like I was.
Anyway, you said it – hills and valleys, huh.
I’m just about getting to leave [school] for home. Kev and I had a big confab and it’s all OK. He doesn’t wanna fight with me. He said that Ross told him to shutup on Friday night anyway, and it was all supposed to be a joke cos they were all out of their brackets anyway. So, Ross stood up for me. Cool.
I wanna go surfing this arvie. I’m gonna try and bend my dad’s ear, even if it’s just for a coupla hours. My homework’s all up to date and I’ve just got some studying to do. We start exams in a week. Maybe see if Wingnut and Steve wanna go – if I can. With Wednesday being a holiday, maybe Steve can stay over on Tuesday.
Tomorrow morning, we’ve got swim squad. They’re gonna start looking at the guys for winter champs. Still quite a bit away, but they wanta pick the team and sort them out cos we’re probably gonna have to train during the [school] hols. Ross was saying that they’ve got a lotta gym work lined up for the guys – free weights and stuff to build up shoulders and legs.
My dad said it was OK to go surfing yesterday, and Wingnut and Steve came down as well. Steve was OK – I thought he’d still be fulla shit but it was like nothing [had] happened. Wingnut was totally stoked to be back in the water with us. The surf wasn’t that great but we had a really cool time. While we were sitting out there [on the back line], I was telling Steve about Wingnut’s [first] pube. So what does Wingnut do [when he overhears me]? He pulls the top of his boardies down and shows us. He’s got two or three hairs there. Hehehe – he quickly pulled his boardies up when I came near him.
After Steve had gone home, Wingnut came around and told me how neat it was to be surfing with us again, and he hoped that we could do it on Wednesday when we have the holiday. Also wanted to know when he could sleep over again. He said that he was at Brian’s house over the weekend and they were comparing [crotches]. He says Brian’s pubes are growing like crazy so please not to pull any more out cos they’re having a competition. He says he’s got a bigger dick than Brian’s, though. Damn, I’m sure!
I was in such a good mood last night. Steve phoned and we spoke shit for a half hour. And I mean we spoke about nothing. He said I must find out about going out on Friday night if I can. Sounds like he and Ross have got a good friendship going cos they make these plans. I don’t mind cos I know that Ross is a total straight. I just get jealous when I hear of Steve screwing girls.
Had a good swim this morning. It just felt good in the water. I was pushing myself hard. Mark is [also] back in the water and swimming well.
Yeah, Steve is still pretty much into girls, and I’m not sure how he’s thinking. Somebody wrote me an email this morning and in it he said that his boyfriend is a surfer and they’re both gay but will never come out. He’s 34 and his bf is in his twenties. He says it’s a surfer thing – gay surfers just don’t come out but there’s a lotta them around. He says it’s just a culture thing cos of the sport.
It’s a neat day and I can go surfing. Wingnut’s got a rugger match on this arvie, so he’s gonna be late. I hope Steve can make it.
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Codeman Part 34