Fingers had already showered by the time he woke me, and placed a cup of steaming hot coffee beside the bed. "Thanks for last night," he smiled as he sat on the side of the mattress, which sagged under his weight.
South Africa - Johannesburg #2
"Hey, it was cool," I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"I'm going to miss you again, Steve. But I guess that's the way it will have to be. Meantime, I think you should try to patch things up with your folks. Mark told me about your dad taking control of you in the gym when you had that boxing match."
"It wasn't like that," I argued, then sat up in the bed and took a sip of coffee. Mmmm! That was just what I fucking needed! "You make awesome coffee, bro."
But he ignored my compliment. "Adults talk about teens always looking for attention, Steve. I think that boxing match was your dad's way of doing just that. I think he needs you to notice him and acknowledge him. Steve? Are you listening to me?"
"Why do I always feel like the heavy when people talk about my dad?"
"It's give and take, Steve."
"Yeah, well he gave it to me and I took it," I laughed, and almost spilled the coffee, which I decided would be safer sitting on the bedside table out of harm's way.
Then Fingers placed his hand on my stomach. "Your abs go totally tight when you giggle like that."
"That's not the only thing that's tight," I said as I grabbed his hand and put it on my piss boner. "Feel how tight that goes when you touch me." But all Fingers could do was turn bright scarlet. "How the fuck can you still blush after last night?" I continued. Then I put my hand on his thigh and moved my fingers up to his crotch, where I noticed that his cock was also getting pretty hard. I stroked him to full attention, then sat closer so that I could get to it. The moment I pulled his boxers down, his boner bounced up against his gut. *SLAP* It was shining with pre-cum, and looked totally fucking delicious.
"Not now, Steve." And with that, he stood, and pulled his boxers back over his cockstand.
"Hey, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked, before throwing off the bed covers, and laying there totally starkers with my cock pushing away from my stomach in a hard, tight line. "You want some of this, right? What the fuck is it all of a sudden with you? I know you fucking want me. So there's no prob. Come and fucking take me!"
"Lemme check with Qantas."
"Gary! For fuck sake, stay outa this and just write the fucking story!"
But it was obvious that I'd upset Fingers. Tears began to well in his eyes before he turned away and went into the kitchen. I'd gone too far, and I knew it the moment I'd stopped talking. I rolled off the bed, put on my boxers, took a quick piss in the bathroom, then followed him through to the kitchen, where he was pouring some more coffee. By that stage, his face was streaked with tears.
"I didn't mean what I said," I apologized as I approached him. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Fucking hell, I really didn't mean to hurt you by what I said!"
Fingers took a deep breath, then sighed. "It hurt [pause] because so much of what you said is true. I fall in love with you, but I know that I can't have you... and you know that as well. But you treat it like a game, Steve, and that hurts me even more. Last night was really very special to me because we were making love to each other. This morning, you're almost selling yourself to me. Life is not all about sex, Steve. It's about just enjoying each other's company... enjoying having each other around. Seeing your face, seeing your smile, having your arms around me, being close to you... hearing nice words."
"Yeah, well, don't sell yourself short. I get fucking turned on by you as well, y'know, and that monster cock of yours. Ever thought of breeding race horses?"
That made him laugh, which was cool. So then we sat down and drank some more coffee. Fingers took the opportunity during the relaxed, casual atmosphere to give me a really long talk about how much he loved me, and had enjoyed the times when the two of us were having sex. Having sex? Fucking hell, Gary, Fingers doesn't know sex. He should have shoved that monster beef of his inside me, and that would've blown him away... in more ways than one. Woohoo! OK, so I would've walked like I'd had a horse in my ass for a few days, but the pain would've been worth it. Actually, I was hoping to get the chance to fuck him as well, but obviously that wasn't gonna happen. During our chat, he also lectured me about my dad, and suggested that maybe I should learn to show my dad some respect even for just being my dad.
The weekend, as well as the next few days, flew like crazy. Whoosh! Working, swimming, running, and boxing training with Mark, who still relished beating the fuck outa me every morning.
Fingers and I stole a few minutes one lunchtime when Mark had to go into the city, and we had sex in the pool. Well, when I say sex it was just me giving Fingers a BJ but it was pretty fucking horny underwater. I don't think he realized that I could hold my breath for that long! Hahahaha! Fucking hell, when you get nailed in the surf as often as I do you soon learn how to hold your breath pretty fucking well.
Anyway, I managed to nail Fingers with my cock when he was hanging on the wall of the pool, but his ass was clenched tight so just my cockhead sorta rested between his ass cheeks. Damn!
That night, Mark and I went to a pub in town and had a few beers. We spoke shit the whole night as we sat at a table in the half-crowded bar. Eventually, the sub got around to what had happened between him and me the other night, but he wasn't too keen to talk about it.
"So you gonna just pretend it didn't happen?"
"It was something that happened at that particular moment, Steve. It doesn't mean that you get a mouthful every fucking time we meet."
"I enjoyed your cock in my mouth."
"Shut the fuck up!" he snapped as his startled eyes darted around the room. "Jesus, there are people in here!"
"Yeah, well, I did," I said, pretending to shout. "Your cock was delicious."
Mark reacted by standing up, and walking outside to the open-air beer garden. I was hard on his heels, laughing like hell, and I could tell by the way his shoulders were moving that he was giggling as well.
"I wish I had what you and Cody had," I said as we placed our beers on an outdoor table, and sat down.
"Why? You and Cody had your own friendship, which was unique."
"Maybe it's just you I want. Sorry, bro. Freak if you want, but you're a fucking god, Mark, and I loved the other night."
"Yeah, well, whatever blows your fucking hair back. That night's over."
"What is it with me, Mark? Me and sex? Ever since Cody, I just can't get enough fucking sex with any good looking guy."
He seemed surprised. "Fuck! How many guys have you been with?"
"Sorry. That came out wrong. It's just that I fantasize when I see good looking guys. Wanna know how often I jack off thinking about the two of us - you and me - having sex?"
"Just about every second night," I admitted, ignoring his reprimand. "Every other night is reserved for Cody."
Whammo! His fist connected with my arm, and it went lame right away as the muscle went into a spasm - a mousey as Cody used to call it - like a little mouse crawling under your skin. But both Mark and I laughed. Well, for him it was laughter. For me it was a mix of laughter and crying because of the fucking pain in my arm.
"I fucking love you, Mark - as a friend - I really do."
"Love's not the word to use, Steve. I think you're a good friend as well. A bit fucked in the head, but you're OK. You need to sort yourself out, bro. Get yourself back on track... back to the days before Cody's accident. Don't tell me how hard it is. I've heard all that shit before. You've got a life to live, and you're getting all fucked up in the brain because you refuse to move on. Think Code's gonna be pissed off because you do that? Move on? Not a chance. Meantime, jack off thinking about fucking Steph or your girlfriend or somebody else - not me."
After that little speech, Mark gave me a long talk about moving out of Cody's shadow - to stop trying to live Cody's life as if he were still alive today. "Cody was all about life, not death, and you've gotta remember that, bro. Life hasn't stopped for you or for me or for his folks or for any of his friends. Life moves on. That's the way Code would want it. Live your life like the Codeman lived his - to the full - and with no regrets."
By the time we'd arrived home, it was late and we were eager to hit the hay.
"Hey, I'm horny," I said as I undressed. "Wanna give me a goodnight BJ?"
"Fuck you, Steve!" he laughed. "Go ask Fingers. Hahahahaha!"
If only you knew, bud, I thought to myself. If only you knew. Then again, maybe he did.
The following day was packed with me feeling shitty about having to leave Joburg, and going home... trying to pick up the pieces again. AGAIN! Mark was right. I needed to start my life over, and to get it sorted out. It wasn't about falling in love with guys, it was about wanting to have sex with them. I figured it was the same with Wingnut. It wasn't Wingnut that I was in love with. It was his body and his other department.
The goodbye at the airport was really hard this time. Mark and I had become firm friends. Soul buddies as Code called it. Maybe it was because he enjoyed beating me up during our boxing training. Hahahaha. Actually, my body had become really hard and defined with all the training we'd done together, and I was feeling pretty good about myself.
"Take care of yourself, Steve," he said as we hugged in the departure lounge.
"Hey, I wish I could give that job to you, Mark. I really do. You're the most together person I've ever met apart from Cody."
"You can do it, buddy. Learn to rely on yourself a bit more. You'll be surprised at what you'll find inside yourself if you go looking hard enough. That's what Cody taught me."
And Fingers? Hey, I read the sadness in his eyes before I left the house. They were searching mine as we stood face to face, saying our goodbyes. He was totally fucking miserable even though he was trying to deny it. But I figured he'd get over it. I was just some blonde bimbo who'd walked into his life for a brief period, and swept him off his feet for a while. Once I was on that jet back to Cape Town, he'd be back to his regular routine, building yachts, being with his girlfriend, and having Mark around to gawk at and bring coffee to in the mornings.
And me? Fucking hell, what did I have to go home to? Cape Town was like an empty town without Cody there. Sure, there was Wingnut, but he had his other grommet friends. And on top of all that, my grades at school were fucked. I'd trashed myself way too many times since Cody's death to focus on schoolwork, and I'd spent the first school term of my repeat year feeling sorry for myself or whatever. I was a mess.
"You can do it, buddy. Learn to rely on yourself a bit more. You'll be surprised at what you'll find inside yourself if you go looking hard enough."
Mark's words and the memories of the cool times I'd had with him and Fingers reverberated throughout my mind during the flight back home as I stared out the window at the passing clouds. Mark and Fingers were very special guys. The fucking best. But as each cloud came and went, I knew that I would never see that cloud again. Gone forever.
Hi Gary. I'm up to my fucking neck in school work. Got back from Johannesburg last week on Tuesday, and went right out to a week leadership tour with the grade 12s the next day, Wednesday. I haven't been able to touch sides with anything, and I'm stressing like fucking crazy at the moment.
"Let me know how you're doing Steve. Just a few lines will do." Fuck, you make it sound like I'm not interested. I've looked at assignments and other school crap and it's like a fucking zoo all of a sudden. I've wasted a whole fucking school quarter with my bullshit, and now I've gotta catch up.
Johannesburg was a total hoot again, and I'll write about it once I can find some time. I'm gonna be incommunicado for about a week and a half I reckon while I just try to get my act together again.
The surf is rocking today, and I'm desperate to get down there, but right now I've gotta finish up here and get back to school. Only starting school at 10:30am but working until late at tonight.
Please tell Francois and Co that I'm not fucking trashed cos that seems to be the message he's getting from the guys who have been writing me.
Will write soon, I promise. Let me just get my feet back on the fucking ground here.
Thanks for the Cody news and stuff, and the other forwarded mail from MrB readers. Now I've got even more to do to get Cody's site back up and running.
Your friend and the Codeman's
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