The next day, August 3, I sent Gary the story I'd written for his birthday. "Had a really nice evening yesterday with Steph. We went out late to see the late movie, MIB II. It was fucking hilarious, and it was so good to laugh, and to hear Steph laughing. We just chilled. After the movie, we rocked over to the pub for a beer each, then went home. I was gonna give her a peck on the cheek but she opened her mouth slightly, and my tongue kinda found its way in there before she could clench her teeth. :) It was cool, and I felt so good afterwards that I had a Cody wank before I nodded off to sleep hahahahaha! I'm waiting for Winger to give me a phone call so we can go surfing, and so that he can tell me about his evening. Storm surf is up! Woohoo! :) Hey, Gary, I hope I didn't fuck around too much with the story [for your birthday]. Cya, old dude."
Based on emails from August, 2002.
It was five days before I wrote again. Maybe the reason for that was that I could never figure out what to write in the subject line. "Never sure what to put here." Anyway, the weather had turned out to be totally stunning, almost as stunning as me in Speedos hahahahaha! But there wasn't a helluva lot to tell Gary.
Tuesday night I'd set aside to go with Steph to the drug counselling session to see how it would work out.
The previous Friday night, Wingnut had gone to his 'new' girlfriend's place again, and it was almost a repeat of his last visit. His buds got involved in playing CDs and shit, and left Winger and his girl to graunch [kissing, etc]. I thought he'd broken up with Candy, but it turned out that Candy had found out about his little crusade with his new girl via a friend, via a friend, via a friend. He hadn't spoken directly to Candy at that point, but he'd heard that she knew about his new romance, so the little dude was in for some serious birdcrap hahahahaha! He wasn't telling me most of the news, though, so it was his buddy Jason who was doing all the blabbing. Hey, I should have been an interrogator. :)
From what I was gathering, Jason was getting really pissed off about Winger's obsession with this new bird. Jason was saying that on Saturday night, he and Wingnut had gone to the movies. They'd arrived early so they could have a burger and just chat for a while. But Wingnut had spent the whole time on the phone chatting with his new girl. One of her friends apparently had the hots for Jason, and wanted the two of them [Jason and Winger] to go over to the new girl's place on Saturday night. But Wingnut was in a spot cos he'd promised Jason his time. Ah, the trials and tribulations of being a grommet! A hot looking grommet. :)
Anyway, at least Winger and I had a good surf session on Saturday and Sunday.
Saturday night, I attended a braii at a friend's house, and it was OK. Wondered about it at first, but then decided to go anyway. Smoked a joint but left the chemicals alone. Also had too many fucking vodkas. There were a few E tabs there as well, but the guys were going out clubbing later that night and wanted to save them.
I never went to the clubs with them, though. I was just too fucking far gone anyway. Pissed them off a bit cos I got into a graunch with one of the lone chicks, and passed out. Then they had to battle to wake me up, and tell me to fuck off so they could get moving hahahahaha!
"OK, Gary, so now it's Wednesday already. Last night? I'm not sure whether I handled it all that well. But don't sweat it cos I'm going again next week [to the drug counselling session]. It's just that there's this one bird there who really worked on my tits about trying harder, and how easy it was, and fucking blah, blah, blah. Fucking hell, you feel like getting stoned just to get away from her."
"A few of the people are like really weird, and they're all over you like a fucking rash. Steph just giggled and left me to my fate. She says she also doesn't dig all of the people there, but there are a few OK ones."
"We were shown some shock police pictures of teens who had ODd. A couple of them were pretty horrifying. There was one young guy about 13 years old with the torniquet and a needle still stuck in his arm. They'd blurred all the faces, obviously."
"The woman who organizes these meetings is a Christian, and she is very cool. You felt no pressure from her at all. She supplies you with cookies and tea. Damn! No beer!"
"If Cody were still around, he would've said something about Natalie du Toit, the swimmer who did so well at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester. She'd lost a leg last year but still competes with all the able swimmers, and still fucking slices through the water. Cody spoke a bit about her, and really thought she was gutsy for just getting on with her life, and not letting her accident get her down."
"Hey, Gary, tell the guys thanks for all the cool vocals on the Steve Feedback page. Yeah, see? I do read it sometimes hahahaha! Now, those dudes are the ones who should be doing this counselling thing, and speaking to people. I would just sit back and relax in my boxers. Nah, it'd be too fucking cold."
"Oh, I had a surf with Winger yesterday. It was a tight session. Three feet glassy surf. We both pretty much raved, then came home together in the dark. It was a good vibe, though. I can understand why Cody enjoyed having Winger around. The grommet was in a talkative mood, and babbled on like a speeding train about the session we'd had."
surf has been rockin. tuesday nite i was out with wingnut until late and it was cookin at the local. not mush - really bitchin clean sets. we were ravin - well i was surfing while my little dude bro was raving. it was really that good. there was no waiting for the next one - you paddled out and were on the next ride as quick as a flash. we were totally fucked by the end of the session. hehehe wingnut stood under the shower at the beach and screamed his lungs out.
what the fuck was that for?
thats how im feeling - stoked stoked stoked.
we were both blue as we walked home - it was so damn cold and my feet were falling off cos the ground was like damn ice. but it was one of those really cool feelins where it didnt matter. anyway - i was getting off on watching wingnuts muscles jive with the cold :) Cody.
"SO, we met again this afternoon and the surf was... crap, with a capital C. Still went out for a paddle, though, and the little grunt caught one wave after the other, and raved."
"Hey, I've gotta get this email off and study."
Five days later, I wrote again with the Subject line: Hardly any news :) I'd been reading the Steve story plus the feedback stuff on MrB, and there was something I needed to say to Cody's fossil.
"I just want to say thanks for everything that you've done. I can understand now why Cody thought so much of you, and how you managed to help him so much through all the crap that he had to handle. I've been thinking often of the rape, and I wonder how he managed to pull himself together after that. I don't think a lot of people realize just how totally fucking bad that was. I mean, his buds could see that he wasn't himself after that for quite a long time."
"All I remember about that time - now that I'm trying to piece all the bits together - is that his swimming times were going to total shit, and he was going to lose his place on the team. His relationship with everyone was one of suspicion, and it was difficult to get close to him. And then it was like someone pulled a switch and everything turned around. And I guess the person who pulled the switch was you cos Cody had an outlet where he could offload about how he really felt, and he could tell the story."
"I wish his mail from that time was still around so that I could see what he was writing back then. Besides you and the guys who read your stories I think I'm the only person who knows about it. One day I may tell Steph cos we're getting to the stage now where we're having pretty hectic conversations that run deep."
"Steph came down to the beach with me on Friday. I went for a surf, while she just sat on the sand and watched. What the fuck was going through her brain at that time? Fuck knows."
"Winger came down a bit later, and he was rapping her for quite a while before paddling out to join me. Hey, I know he stole a kiss from her. :) But the two of them have got an awesome relationship, and I think he's like her younger bro, and she's like his older sis. And they've got Cody in common. Besides that, she's had something in her cheeks that belongs to him."
"The surf was pretty decent - three feet and glassy. And the sun was warm. Fucking hell, the temperature was around 25 degrees C on Friday and Saturday. Oh! Friday was a public holiday just in case you think we were cocking school. It was women's day."
"As the morning went on, the surf got more busy, and a few of Winger's buds rocked up. Jason's turned into a cool dude. He came up to me and said hi. I'm starting to 'notice' him. He's cocky but a nice dude. Not like his fucked up older brother [Craig]. I can see why he and Winger are such good buds as well. They've got the same attitude."
"I left the grommets in the water to return to Steph on the beach, where I flopped down on a towel next to her, with my wettie pulled down to my waist. I asked her how she was enjoying the hot sun. But her eyes filled with tears, and she began to sob.
"Hey, Babes, what the fuck's wrong?"
"Nothing. This is the first time I've sat on the beach like this since Cody."
"Hey, I'm sorry. You want to maybe leave or something? I'll walk with you cos I'm all surfed out anyway."
"Has it gotten better for you, Steve? Remembering Cody, I mean. There isn't a day that I don't find myself crying for no reason."
I placed one arm around her and sat up close, while we watched the guys in the water. "It doesn't ever get better, I don't think. But we learn to handle it in our own way. I've tried different ways to do that, and not all of them have been cool. I don't need to tell you that."
"Sometimes, I'm asleep, and I'll suddenly get his scent, and I'll put my arm over the bed to pull him closer to me. And then I'll wake up and realize what I've done. Then I feel like a total idiot."
"Does it help to talk about him?"
"When I'm with people who knew him... yeah. It makes sense then cos they know what he was like, and he's not just some dream."
After chatting for a while longer, our convo became a lot more relaxed, even about us. Steph's prob, and mine in a way, was that she didn't want to end up comparing me to Cody. Well, for one thing it wouldn't have done me any good, and I didn't think it would help her if every time I hugged her or something that she would try to remember how his hugs had felt.
"No, Gary, we're nowhere near having sex yet. I asked her if she wanted to stop off at Mr & Mrs T's on the way back from the beach. But she made this really lame excuse, and I think the real reason for that is cos she doesn't want them to see her going out with me cos to her it's like betraying Cody or something."
"We're also not sure if Cody mentioned anything [to his folks] about me trying to steal her away from him or something. I know he wouldn't have told them about me sleeping with her. Or maybe he did. I'm not sure."
"I'm not pushing Steph for anything right now. It's the strangest fucking setup. With Julie I was hungry for sex. But with Steph I'm just hungry to just have her be there with me. I can also put my arm around her and know that she's really enjoying it. And she will hug me in return, and I'll know that she's sincere."
"On Friday, we went out to see the new Austin Powers movie, Goldmember, and it was a good giggle. But the best part about going out with Steph was after the movie. We would go into a coffee shop, where we'd sit and drink coffee and just talk. I can talk to Steph about surfing, drugs, everything."
"I phoned Winger on Saturday to hit the surf, but he was already in the surf by the time I'd arrived at the beach. Hey, I think he needs to get his wettie crotch made bigger or something hahahaha! That dude has got balls!"
"Fucking hell, he made me laugh. He went out with some of his buds and the girls on Friday night. Yes, Gary, it now looks like he's permanently into his new girlfriend. Her name is Jacky, short for Jacqueline. She's all over him like a fucking rash. Anyway, he said that they'd gone to McDs for some dessert after the movies, and one of his buds had accidentally hit his nads on the railing where the customers queue to be served. The dude was in total agony. So Winger suggested that his bud needed to soak his nads in warm milk. "But you've gotta use the full cream milk cos the 2% stuff doesn't get that nice thick layer of skin after it's been boiled. Then you need to bite on a stick while Jason scoops the thick layer of skin off the milk, and applies it to your aching nads."
He told me that Jason had given him such a hard lamer [punch on the arm], but both he and Jason were almost crawling on the floor cos they were laughing so much... despite their poor bud being in agony. Even while Winger was telling me the story, he was totally hosing himself. They'd kept asking their bud if he wanted some 'NUTS' on his dessert, and then they'd be rolling around in hysterics again hahahahaha! My stomach was aching just cos of the way Winger was telling the story in between all the cracking up.
"Hey, listen, Winger, you wanna sleep over tonight?"
"I've gotta check with my folks, but it sounds cool. Got vids or something?"
"I've got a game on my comp called MDK that you might enjoy.
"I've played it! Hey! That's pretty cool!"
"Yeah, the hero dude's got a cute butt like yours. Are you not seeing your new girlfriend tonight?"
"Nah. Her folks won't let me see her tonight cos she got trashed last night at a party, and they think it was my fault."
"That's uncool, bro. Will they still let you see her?"
"Hey, it's up to her. She wants me, and I think she's pretty cool."
"You guys have sex yet?"
"I haven't had sex yet, and you know it, Steve. So cool it with that convo. I already get enough crap about how Jason's screwing his chick and what it's like and.... I'm gonna beat that fucker senseless one day."
"It's probably just a boast. From Jason, I mean."
"No! Cos everyone knows... including my girl. She wants me to fuck her... but I don't want to."
"Yeah, right! No... just cos it's not right. She can blow me or something but I'm not gonna screw her. Not yet."
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