Yesterday arvie, I took a walk up the mountain and sat on a ledge – Paul’s and my place. I was looking down at the sea and just thinking about what is gonna happen now. School’s been like a safe place for me – friends – sport – fights – good times – yeah, shitty times, too – going home and knowing that everything is OK. 
Cape Town, South Africa
Part 106
Haveya ever sat and thought deeply about yourself and you almost find yourself outside of your body, and it’s scary as hell? That’s how it was. Who am I? What am I here for? Who is the real Cody? Scared the pants of myself – hehehehe – no, I didn’t go naked.
“Hey, loner.” *It was Mark*.
“Hey.” *I looked down* “How the fuck did you get up here without me seeing you?”
“Because you weren’t looking for me. So … what’s up?”
“How did you find me?”
“Your mom said you were heading up here. So … what the fuck is up?”
“Nothing, hey. I just felt like getting lost in my thoughts.”
“You should be studying.”
“I’m relaxing – getting away from the damn books for a while.”
“So how’s the studying going, anyway?”
“Not that great. Just can’t seem to keep the shit in my head.”
“Maybe you’re concentrating so much on worrying about it that you haven’t got space for the real stuff. What’s really up? This is the place that you and Paul called your own, right?”
“Hehehe, yeah. I’m so fucked up inside.”
“Like how?”
“That’s the prob – I don’t know. I’m just feeling so empty and depressed about nothing.”
“I have those. I think it’s got something to do with leaving school and making a major change in our lives, and worrying about losing touch with what we’ve got now that we really love – things that really amp us up. You don’t even need those parameters cos you just fucking worry, anyway.”
“My dad calls it resisting change. With me it’s more like a rebellion.”
“Looks beautiful, huh?” *Mark sat down next to me*.
“I never get tired of it.” The sea was like shades of blue glass as it reached out to the horizon. We could see the surfers sitting on the smooth water as rolling swells went underneath them. I wondered if Wingnut was down there or hiding in some dingy hole getting high. It turned out that he was there – he and Sean were surfing together.
“Cody, do you ever worry about what I think about you?”
“Well, I could say no – that I don’t give a fuck what you think, but that would be a lie. Yeah, I do worry a bit cos I know how you used to feel [about gays], and I don’t know if you still do. I think you’re still quite a bit like that.”
“Have you ever wondered what made me come around [to your house] a bit?”
“It’s like one of life’s mysteries.”
“A lot of it was curiosity. I wanted to see just how far you would go. I was getting ready to break off the friendship at one stage because I couldn’t handle it. I felt dirty after the first time we jacked off together. It wasn’t right. You know – two guys. But there was something different. It’s you. You just make it almost normal. Hey, sometimes I still get the guilts. I’m not gonna lie to you. And sometimes I worry – about you and what lies ahead.”
“Oh, so I’m not the only one that worries, then.”
“I found out something when I was going out with Steph that I’ve never told you. Think you can handle it?”
“She got AIDS or something?”
“No! Fuck!”
“What then?”
“You know how you and I are sometimes?”
“I’m not sure. How are we? I’m never hundreds that I do know.”
“Closer than brothers. Much closer.”
“OK. So what about Steph?”
“She and Carol are the same.”
“You’re fucking joking.”
“I walked in on them one Saturday morning. Carol had slept over at Steph’s. I found them making out in Steph’s bed.”
“Oh, my fuck! Carol and Steph?”
“Yep. Don’t look so surprised.”
“So you dumped Steph because of that?”
“No. That came later. When I caught them, they invited me in [to the room] and it became a threesome. Best fucking sex I’ve ever had in my life.”
“You never freaked?”
“Hey, myself and some friends used to get off on blue movies, watching two chicks going at each other. I found it horny as hell. Steph and I used to burn the sheets after she’d been with Carol.”
“How come you’re telling me [this] now?”
“Well, we’re a million miles away from anywhere, so I’ll tell you. I can always push you off the mountain afterwards.”
“Careful. You might go first.”
“When you and I became friends, I kinda figured you might want us to do stuff – totally faggot homo fruitcake stuff. You couldn’t hide the way you used to stare at me. Fuck! Why do you think I waited ‘til everyone was gone before going into the [school] showers? Carol used to talk about her and Steph sometimes. Sometimes it pissed me off, and sometimes it didn’t – depending on my moods. She joked about you and me making love, and I thought of leaving her then – but…”
“But?”
“Carol and Steph’s friendship is so fucking normal. And they’re both pretty normal. Got me thinking…”
“About what?”
“If you laugh I’ll brain you. I sometimes jacked off at night thinking about the two of us being naked and kissing and making all-out love.”
“Fucking?”
“No way. Never that far. But sensuous stuff. I’d get myself so worked up that I’d think of maybe phoning you. Then I’d shoot my load and start thinking about how dirty those thoughts made me feel, and how I wished I was in bed with Carol. It was like it was just animal sex [with you] and nothing else. As soon as I ejaculated, the feelings for you disappeared.”
“Oh, fuck. Thanks. Gone with the cum.”
“Just bear with me, Code. I’ve got no interest in guys. I don’t gawk at other guys. It’s not my thing. A nice chick ass or a paira tits is what sets my bells ringing. You come along and I start having feelings for you that I would normally have for a chick. In the last coupla months we’ve been so close, and you’ve done things to me that I’m not sure if they’re right or wrong. I just know that cos it’s you, you make it right. I’ve worried cos I’ve not done the same for you, and you’ve no idea the thoughts that have gone through my head.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Well, I think the point is … seeing you like this … looking lower than shark shit. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, Code. I love you very much. Hey, I don’t see any kids in our future, but I love you more than any friend I’ve ever had. One day, I’ll get up the courage and we’ll make love to each other – as long as you stay away from my ass. It’ll be special.”
“Well, I think it’s safe to tellya that I fantasize about you a lot. I can’t believe what you’re telling me.”
“Well, here’s some encouragement.”
He leaned towards me and grabbed my head, and pulled it towards his. His tongue didn’t haveta fight too hard to get into my mouth, and mine into his. My hand moved under his t. He was trembling a little. My hand then went on to his cock, and it was rocking hard. Mine was dancing in my shorts. Was this real? We kissed for a long time. I felt every inch of his strength. This was Mark.
After the kiss, we sat quietly for a while and just stared [at the view]. I wasn’t seeing anything cos my mind was racing. Eventually, I spoke first.
“That was pretty special.”
“Special? I thought it was pretty awesome. You kiss pretty good – for a guy.”
“Hehehehe.”
“And I know about Steve, Cody. No – don’t say anything. He didn’t tell me. I think it’s a good guess, and I suspect you and Wingnut, too. You don’t need to explain any of it. I think I know you well enough to understand.”
“Do you?”
“Yep. And thanks for not putting the pressure on me all this time – and just being a fucking good friend.”
“You’ve got no fucking idea what it means to me – what you’ve just done.”
“I know exactly what it means, and I’m not just talking about your hardon, either.”
You can guess why I never slept last night [G]. Must’ve jacked a hundred times thinking of Mark and me having wild sex – hehehehe.
Wingnut was chirpy this morning. Came in to see me before school. He starts exams on Monday.
Confused? Yeah. Worried? Yeah. Scared? Shitless. Plans? Yeah, right!
I’m glad that I’ve had this chance to get this stuff off my chest, G. Thanks for being there for me to offload on. I don’t like dropping all my baggage on you but it does make me feel better that no matter how much I fuck up, you’re always there. And I guess that’s why I must be there for Wingnut.
And thanks for being patient.
[I never really understood why Cody felt guilty about ‘dropping his baggage on me’. He was my best friend, and I would have been totally pissed off if he hadn’t confided in me. Furthermore, I told him so. His probs were my probs, and his successes were my successes. That’s the way it was. He shared everything with me, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. MrB]
Hiya Gary,I’ve just sent off two mails. There’s a fuckup cos my [Eudora] mail box was over the limit and they’ve deleted a whole stack. I hope those two mails can helpya cos the next ones are from [last] July.
Sorry about that. I’ve just not been checking mail so the damn mailbox was 1 meg over the top and Eudora trashed a lot of it.
So what’s happening? Well, I’ve got a job at a surf store – hehehe. How’s that for total luck? PLEASE don’t put that into any [of the Mark or Wingnut] stories. There’s a dude in Cape Town who wrote me and said he wants to meet. He’s 34 and reckons he’s str8 but he’s curious. Yeah, right. Anyway, the job is going cool. I get paid 1,900 rand a month cos I’m like a temp. My boss says that if I shape up he’ll keep me on for off season and put my pay up to 2,500 bucks a month. It’s working out cool, though, and I get to meet all the surf hunks – hehehehehe. The best news of all, though – one of the managers at the store is a SCUBA diver, and he and his sons go diving almost every weekend. When he heard that I was into marine studies he asked if I wanted to go along [on a SCUBA dive]. He’s gonna put me in touch with a diving school so I can train up first. I told Mark [about it], and he wants to go with us, which is cool with my manager. We’re gonna go training this coming Sunday. They first go to a pool and then do shallow dives and stuff. Probably gonna be a bit boring to start with but, hey, I’m pretty chuffed.Mark’s got a job down at the harbor at a yacht-building company. He works his ass off and gets paid the same way as me. He’s enjoying it, though, and says there’s a chance for him to go on a cruise or two. We’ve been connecting with each other almost every night ‘cept when Carol gets fucked off and says she wants to spend some time alone with him. Hey, that’s fair enough. Anyway, he’s still doing his job at the pizza joint. We’ve both decided to save as much [money] as we can, which means our college fund is gonna grow pretty quickly. I reckon with my work around the ‘hood I can make spending money, and I can put my shop money away – which means about 20 grand in a year – ENOUGH FOR COLLEGE – WHOOOOOHOOOOOO. Hey, do I sound up or what?
Mark’s been totally fucking great. He pulled me outta a total depression that I was in. Wingnut’s been ace as well, and he’s definitely chucked the drugs. He smoked a joint during the week that I know of, but he’s working on it. He doesn’t hang with Sean any more and he and Brian are like connected at the hip. He spent the night over on Sunday and we had such a cool evening. He was making promises that I know he’s gonna have a hard time keeping but I also know that he’s gonna try his best [to quit drugs].
When we got into bed he was laying in [the crook of] my arm with his head on my chest, and his hand on my stomach. It was really cool having him back to his old self. And now he’s got a bush of pubes you’d be proud of. His one leg was draped over mine, and he’s definitely got got a rugger player’s muscular thighs. It didn’t take long before his hand moved down and started to stroke me. I was horny and happy, so I thought ‘to fuck with it’, and I got him on to his back and I started to lick his boner, and I eventually got it into my mouth.
“Oh, fuck, Cody. Don’t stop.”
I was helluva gentle with him, and made it last as long as possible. I didn’t swallow. As I felt his boner buck in my mouth, I grabbed it with my fist and pistoned him until his chest and stomach were covered with his thick juice. His sixpack was heaving like a steam train as I cleaned him with my mouth.
“My turn.”
“What?”
“I wanta blow you.”
“Serious?”
“Yeah. But I don’t want you to laugh. OK?”
“At you? Never?”
I felt his nervous tongue against my shaft. He closed his mouth over my cockhead and went down to my cut line. His tongue was doing all the right magic things and it didn’t take long before I pulled his head away cos I felt the tightening of my nuts. He fisted me and then got some toilet paper to clean me with.
I slept like a baby.
I’ve had a night with Mark as well. Last week, on Thursday, he asked me to come over [to his place] cos shitface and his mom were out. Now – I remember reading some of my dad’s stuff about how to make a woman feel good, and decided what I was gonna do with Mark, and hoped he didn’t freak on me.
When I rocked up at his house, he was totally stoked to see me. He was dressed in a paira gym shorts (those cute ones that show off everything – especially the legs and tight buns) :)
“Hey.”
“Hey, hunk.”
“Fuck! Don’t ever say that in front of Carol.”
“Why? She knows you’re a hunk.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think she needs competition – especially from a guy.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“So what are we gonna do?”
“First – supper. I’ve made some lasagna, and I’ve got a bottle of shithead’s cabernet – and I’ve got a joint that I can smoke on my own or share with you.”
“Go for it.”
We ate in the garden, and the cabernet was totally a cool idea, and it went right to my head. I helped wash the dishes and clean the kitchen, and then we went to the garden with some coffee and Mark’s joint. And, no, I didn’t [share it] cos the wine had already put me on a buzz.
The evening flew cos we spoke about all sorts of stuff, and the [SCUBA] diving, and work, and then we had half of a second bottle of wine – hehehe. Don’t even ask how I felt. Then it was time for sleep…
“You gonna take those shorts off?”
“You want to take them off for me?”
I stood behind him and slowly pulled his shorts off. Then I took my clothes off. I didn’t wanta freak him out by asking him to undress me. I figured he’d do it when he was ready.
“Hey, I’ve got something here.”
“What?”
“Some aromatherapy oil. I want to give you a massage.” Mark laid down on his stomach. “Nope. You need to lay on your back.”
He laid on his back with his eyes closed and I got an instant boner, seeing his flat gut and his thick, lazy dick. I put some oil on my hands and then slowly went to work on his chest and his stomach. I massaged really gently cos that’s what it said [on the bottle’s directions]. Then I let my hands glide like feathers over every inch of his bod. It’s like your hand doesn’t quite touch [the skin], but you can feel the electricity of it. I traced every groove of his chest and his sixpack, and traced the lines from his hips to his pubes and thought of you [G].
“This is unreal, Cody.”
I let my hand glide over his now not-so-lazy dick, and it slowly extended to its full hard length. I never touched it. I let my hands slide down from his crotch, and down the length of both legs – on the inside.
Then he rolled over, and I did the same thing again – never touched his butt. That’s the whole idea – to explore the sensual parts of the body without actually touching them. I explored his strong shoulder muscles and his back, and his perfect round buns.
His muscles shone from the oil, and it’s not really oily cos it dries into the skin. Then it was my turn, and I was stoked when he learnt so quickly and didn’t touch my dick or my ass – although I was ready for him to eat the thing completely.
When we were laying together, we stared at each other’s eyes and I moved closer to him, and he moved closer to me. Our boners were sparring as our mouths met, and he kissed me – like he did on the mountain. Then my hand moved down to his boner and massaged it as we tongue-lashed each other. Fucking hell, Mark can kiss. It’s strong and sensual and drives you crazy. I felt his body arch as his juice exploded between us. I could feel the warmth in my groin. We were kissing like two animals. Mark’s hands were exploring my back and my chest, and never really progressed from there.
“Thanks, Cody.” And then his eyes were closed, and his breathing got heavy [as he fell asleep].
I love him, G. I’m sure of that. Hey, he gets his moods and I piss him off still – hehehehe.
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