TUESDAY 
Cape Town, South Africa
Part 110
A fine fucking example I am. I tried to get hold of Mark. He was out with Carol. Tried to get hold of Steph. She was out with her folks. Thought I might try and go out to a movie with Wingnut and Candy – treat them – they were already out. So I ended up at Corners feeling lower than shark shit and got totally shitfaced; so badly that the barman asked me to leave cos I was supposed to be causing shit with some dude, and I can’t even remember what it was about. I can’t even remember what I was drinking. Wingnut saw me from his bedroom when I came home.
“Hey, Code. Heard you were looking for me. Uh … you OK?”
“Yeah. I’m ratfaced, so of course I’m OK.”
“Need some help?”
“Nah.”
I remember waking up this morning with my dad shaking me to get up for work, and then shitting all over me for the state I came home in. I was still dressed in the jeans and t that I went out in. My head hurts like I’ve got an axe buried in my forehead. Missed the train that I normally get with Mark so I never saw him this morning. Arrived for work a few minutes late – only about ten minutes – and got shat on by the manager. Hey, the other guys arrive at work looking like wrecks and they get away with it. So now he says if it happens again I’m gonna get a warning note. Put the shits into me. Yeah, I know it’s my own fault – that’s what the one dude at work told me. He told me to bite my tongue cos I’ll get fired. So it’s a beautiful day – slightly overcast but still fucking hot. When the boss went out, I phoned Steph to find out if she’s fucking avoiding me or something, and we ended up having an argument cos her folks said she had to go out [with them], and then I asked her if her fucking phone was disconnected, and that she couldn’t even leave a message at my house to let me know. So I’m supposed to see her tonight. Do I sound fucked off? Cool! Cos I am.
WEDNESDAY
Things are better [now]. Wingnut hopped the fence when I arrived home and said he’d been in the surf all day.
“Want to go back again?”
“Yeah. Coolio.”
So we hit the surf as the sun was starting to go down, and I could feel all the shit [depression] disappearing into the sea. *SORRY, MR SHARK*
I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t rave out to you [G]. If I tried to do that with Mark he’d tell me to fuck off and cool off. Although, I did have a quiet few minutes with him last night to offload [my troubles] a bit.
I had a really cool [surfing] session with Wingnut, though. He kinda stuck to me like glue, which was unusual cos normally the two of us would find our [own] space and surf [apart]. The waves weren’t big but they were fun and clean. It was hot so we also didn’t have our wetties on. Wingnut’s back muscles are like sinews when he’s paddling cos he lifts his chest up [off the board] so high and works hard. I look at his mates and they must really wonder how the hell he got a bod like that.
After showering at the beach, we walked home and drip dried.
“Thanks, Cody. I miss surfing with you.”
“Hey, I enjoyed it totally. You’re really styling nowadays.”
“I had a good teacher. Kinda scary dude, but he surfs well.”
“Hehehe. Yeah, and a scary pupil.”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Meeting Steph. Going for pizza. Mark’s working so Carol’s gonna be with us. Wanta come?”
“I’ll check. Candy and I are supposed to be watching vids at her house. Her parents are out, so I’m gonna babysit her.”
“Yeah, right. Wear a condom.”
“Haven’t got one.” He stopped at my place and I gave him two condoms. “Why two?”
“Just in case you break one trying to roll it on to that tiny dick.”
“Yeah. Jealous, huh?”
[Later]
I stopped at Mark’s before he went to work [at the pizza restaurant].
“Hey.”
“Hey, Code. I’m just about to go to work.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m on my way to Steph’s. Just had a really shit day so I wanted to see you.”
“What’s up? Why shitty?”
“Just downers. Got trashed last night. My dad’s pissed with me. My boss is pissed with me. And I found a joint in Wingnut’s pocket.”
“You scratching [around] in his pockets now?”
“No, no. It fell out.”
“You going to stress about it now?”
“Not really. But he lied about it. Kinda got to me.”
“That why you got trashed?”
“I got trashed cos everyone was out last night and I was on my ownsome. Went to corners to play pool. Nobody there [that I know]. Got into a hassle with the barman. Then Wingnut saw me totally ratfaced when I got home.”
“Drinking on your own is way fucking no good, bro.”
“It’s not too bad. Gave me time to try and think about us.”
“Us?”
“You and me.”
“Whoa! Check the time, dude. I’ve gotta move.”
“Saved by the bell, huh?”
“Why?”
“You don’t want me to get into a heavy convo, obviously.”
“I’ve gotta get to work, Cody. We can chat some other time.”
“When?”
“Whenever. You guys coming in [to the restaurant] tonight?”
“Yep.”
“Cool. Cya, buddy.”
I told Steph I was sorry about the phone call. She wanted to know what the prob was, and I just brushed it off as nothing. I was hungover. We ate, and then waited for Mark to finish up, and we all went home together.
“Hey, Mark. Can I hang with you for a little while after we drop the girls [home]? I just needta chat.”
“I’m gonna be with Carol for a while, Code. Can we do it tomorrow or later this week?”
“Yeah, sure.”
So Steph and I walked home [to her place]. I left Steph’s really late and went past Mark’s place, and saw his light on.
“Hey, Mark!”
The window opened. “Hey, what are you still doing up?”
“Just come from Steph’s. Took a chance [that] you’re home.”
“I just got back from Carol’s. So what’s up?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to say goodnight – and – I loveya.”
“Same. See you on the train [in the morning]?”
“Yeah. Cya.”
“Cya, Code. Thanks for stopping by.”
“Cool, man. Bye.”
“You OK, Cody?”
“Not really.”
He jumped out the window. He had his boxers on, and the two of us sat on the grass. “So what’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure. I think about us a lot.”
“So what’s the prob?”
“I get the downers when I don’t see you for a whole day.”
“Me too, Cody. You’re the best friend I’ve got. But we’ve both got lives to get on with, huh?”
“I know that, and I worry about what’ll happen in the future.”
“Like what?”
“Us. You going your way and me going mine, and maybe us losing contact.”
“I don’t think that’ll happen, Cody. Even if I go to Joburg or somewhere, it’ll never happen.”
“Why do you say that? Joburg, I mean.”
“No particular reason. Just that there’s a dude that came down to the yacht yard and he’s offered me a job earning twice what I’m being paid [now], working on boat building up there.”
“And?”
“And nothing. Said I’d think about it. My living expenses will be paid for, so it’s not like I’ll have to pay for accommodation or anything.”
“How’s that?” *By now I was a sniveling wreck* [Me too, Code. MrB]
“Oh, fuck, Cody. Don’t do that. If it wasn’t for you and Carol I’d have fuckall to think about, and I’d just go. But it’s not that easy.”
“But you’re thinking about it.”
“I have to, Code.”
“So where will you stay?”
“I could stay with my dad but that will go sour in days. This dude’s got a spare room in his house. He lives alone but he’s out traveling most of the time. Fucking hell [Cody], stop that [sniveling]!”
“I can’t help it. I can’t fucking stand the idea of you not being here.”
“I’m like E.T., Cody. I’ll be right here.” *He touched my chest with his finger*
“I couldn’t handle one day with not seeing you, and got into deep shit. What’s gonna happen now?”
“Hey, you’ll get yourself into shit anyway. You’ve never needed help [with that] before.”
“I love you so damn much.”
“And I love you, buddy. That’s why I can’t just get up and go [to Joburg].”
“Yeah, but I don’t want you to say that you couldn’t do something [you want to do] cos of me.”
“It’s not like that. If I need to do something that will take me away, I’ll tell you first.”
“I don’t want to know about it, though.”
“Then I’ll have to go without telling you.”
“Then I’ll have to hunt you down and kill you.”
“Hehehe. You? Yeah … I guess you would.”
Then I put my hand on his leg with my fingers on the inside of his thighs, and let them slide down to his crotch. “You’re cold.”
“Yeah, the air’s nippy.”
“Want to go back to bed?”
“Nah. Let’s sit out here for a while. I can handle it.” Then he put his hand on my leg and kinda gently rubbed it. My fingers touched his hardening dick and I gently ran them up and down his length. We didn’t say anything to each other for a while.
“Guess we’d better get some shuteye, Code.” He gave me a hug, which I returned.
“When I get home, and go to bed now, I’m gonna jack and think about you.”
“Don’t worry, Cody. OK? I loveya buddy. And, hey, I’ll probably get to bed now and do the same.”
Well, I never made it to bed before jacking. I got into the shower and pictured Mark sitting with his back to the wall while we were talking, and all the time I was waiting for the opportunity to get my hand on his leg. At least he was wearing loose boxers, which allowed me to do that. :)
I dunno, G. I got the impression that Mark was giving Joburg some serious thought. I was thinking about this dude offering him the job maybe being like me, and wanting Mark to live with him so he can stare at him – or more. Although, Mark would never allow that. I don’t dare say something like that to Mark, though, cos he’d freak. I’m not sure I can handle Mark leaving [Cape Town] if he decides to. Every day I seem to be falling into this hopeless pit where every thought of every minute of the day and night is filled with Mark. I get excited when he phones, and the other day when I never saw him I went into a total fucking downer. This [situation] is a lot worse than it was with Paul cos we were always together. And although I dream about having some kinda physical activity with Mark, that’s not important any more. It’s just being with him that makes me happy – like this morning on the train we were chatting about total shit and laughing, and that kinda made my day. I just hadta write [you] about all that’s going on, though, cos this is one fucking valley I’m not gonna handle – if it happens.
THURSDAY
Surf was crap when I got home yesterday – really small slop – and it had gotten pretty cold as well. Gonna watch cricket [on TV] when I get home. Folks are going to a sports café so Wingnut and Candy are coming around [to my place], and we are gonna watch some cricket. Steph’s coming as well so it’s gonna be a pretty relaxing evening. And, no, Wingnut didn’t get to screw Candy. But then we knew that. He did find a use for one of the condoms, though. He practiced with it, and then jacked off and brought it around to show me. But his jizz had turned to like a watery liquid by then, and most of it had disappeared.
“It was full, Code. Really! Full of thick white juice. Thought you’d want it on a sarmie or something.”
After work last night, I went for a swim in the pool. I had Mark on the brain all day. I went to fetch Steph and she came around [here] for dinner, and then Wingnut and Candy came around, and we watched the cricket. My folks went with friends to a sports café. Sri Lanka were batting second, and we [Safrica] had set such a high score that it was actually a non-event.
I watched Wingnut and Candy. Wingnut had a fucking erection in his cargos cos Candy’s hand was right up there on the top of his leg. He had his arm around her and was trying to play with her tits without us [me or Steph] seeing. Every now and again, Steph would squeeze my leg cos she thought the whole thing was cute. I was in a [bad] mood so it turned into a bit of a nothing. Steph’s used to my downers so she never pushed it. We walked home, to Candy’s place first, and had to wait while Wingnut and she did their graunching thing.
“Are you OK, Cody?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what the problem is – just feeling a bit down.”
“Work?”
“I think so.”
When Wingnut eventually got to us, we walked to Steph’s house. “You guys want to come in for a while?”
“I’ve gotta get moving, babes. Work tomorrow.”
“OK.”
We kissed while Wingnut kicked [cooled] his heels and tried not to stare. On the way home, I told him that I was sorry I was in such a shitty mood. “It’s cool, Cody. It was neat just being there with you.”
“You and Candy are hitting it off pretty good, huh?”
“Yeah. Didya check my boner? I saw Steph watching, but I couldn’t get it down. Think she likes it?”
“Hehehe. No. She likes mine.”
“Yeah. I guess she must be too tight for me, then. So your little one is OK.”
“Hehehe. Fuck off, you grommet weenie.”
“Can I sleep over tonight, Cody?”
I knew why he wanted to sleep over. He needed to get his rocks off, and would prefer me to do that for him. “Can’t, buddy. I’ve got work [tomorrow].”
“That sucks. You should still be in school. Your weenie is still too tiny to be out in the big world.”
I jacked off last night, going through what Mark and I had done on Wednesday night. Every image was in full color in my head.
[It all boils down to how vulnerable we all are to being hurt. Cody was a tough kid – surfing, boxing, fit and healthy, but he couldn’t avoid falling in love and being depressed when it didn’t go his way. I can tell you that Cody’s hurt was my hurt, even though I tried my best to make sense of his situations, and give him advice based on logic and reason. Yep, he had a very good reason to describe us as soul buddies. I loved him dearly, but in an odd fossil-type sharing way. A most remarkable relationship. “I’ll be right here.” E.T. MrB]
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