Number 2 - January 21, 2000
These questions were sent to me by a reader. To be quite honest, I didn't think the Captain would wanna answer many of them, and I was blown away not only because he did, but also because he answered them as frankly and as intelligently as he did. Hey, I think I know Cody as well as anybody, maybe better than some, but the scallywag still manages to knock my socks off. :o) He rules! And I'm so damn proud of him! [Even if he did compare me to old cheese, the little bugger].
David: Cody, aren't you ever afraid or unsure about sharing these "intimate" details of your life and relationships with all these unknown people?
Captain: well - i hope by sharin a lotta the stuff, that teens can dump their hangups about their sexuality. what i mean is they dont haveta look in a mirror and say "i'm gay". what they can now do is say "it's normal for me to want to be close to my best friend," without carin about their sexuality.
David: Where did you get the balls to do this? It can't see it being easy. (I'd like to shop the same store!)
Captain: i think the net has made it easier for me. i can remain anonymous - well almost. i think what i mean is that i can remain "out of touch" with the peeps who read the stories. i have no desire or ambition to meet any of the people - altho ive often jacked and fantasised about meetin some of the folks who write me.
David. How long after you and B met did this storytelling start?
Captain: i dont think the intention was ever to start tellin stories. it really started cos mr b - bein a fossil and all and very very mature, kinda like old cheese :) - would take the time out to actually read what i was writin and understand where i was comin from - hes an incredible teen for an old dude - he would then give his view of a situation. often our views clashed (sometimes they still do) but we respected each other for that. he got the idea to start writin daniels diary cos he thought it would be a good idea for teens to be able to relate to some of what i was tellin him - so they could feel "normal" and accepted. it all started from there and since then he has started writin stories about some of my friends - like wingnut and mark.
David: Do you ever feel like you're under a microscope or do you have enough anonymnity?
Captain: i think if mark or wingnut ever came across the stories they would immediately recognise the situations and know. i know that mark would never go in there - he would see the word "gay" and run for the hills. wingnut has a way to go - he is currently in conquest mode and dyin to get a girl to give him a bj cos hes heard me tellin him what its like. i dont feel like im under a microscope at all - the interviews and questions probly feel more like a microscope cos the questions you guys ask can be pretty intense but i haveta try and answer them as honestly as possible.
David: Has anyone around you figured out that this is (mostly) your life? Do you think anyone will? Depending on who found out (friend or family...like there's a difference for you) what do you think you would do?
Captain: ive very much walked a tightrope up until now - especially with my own homepage. the only person who has been there is steve. i think im right when i say that people would never think that i went with a guy if they saw me - im very much a normal male teen and get into all the normal male shit that we get into. im not sure what i would do if other friends or family found out. ive thought about it but i dont have any answers. i guess if it happens it could be like surfin - cept its gonna be the biggest wave ive ever ridden. i just hope i can make the bottom turn without gettin nailed.
David: Your strong friendship with B is clear...how do you balance the storytelling with just being friends? Or does it just happen?
Captain: as i said - the storytellin started l8er. we became friends long before that thru email. i leave the storytellin to b - its what he enjoys and from what i can gather - it helps him to experience much of what he missed as a teen. the balance of most things is friends - cos theyre all different and you all need to accept each other for that.
David: How do you or the two of you decide what to share with us? Or is there a decision?
Captain: i dont think theres a decision. i write mr b every day with my highs and lows and sometimes just pretty ordinary stuff - like my dog crappin on the lawn. he takes all that stuff and moulds it - like a sculptor - into his stories. from what ive seen hes pretty much sharin everythin with you guys.
David: (Yes or No) Are there just some things that you choose not to share?
Captain: i cant just give a yes or no answer. the first time my best friend paul organised my first fuck with a lady - lady hell, she was a total slut - i was worried about how that would affect my relationship with b cos he was so into my "gay" personality, so i didnt tell him right away. i did eventually tho. i tell him mostly everythin - its got far beyond havin anythin to hide from each other.
Mr B: Yep, when he told me about that first fuck [she said I was fucking her like a ferret - is that like a squirrel or something?] I was devestated. I thought he'd quit the Daniel 'cause', and I wrote saying that I was disappointed that our friendship had come to a close. So what did he do? He whacked me around the chops with his boner a few times and called me every name under the sun hehehe. He can be pretty uppity when he wants to be. Thank God.
David: Since there is a time lag between when the stories happen and B posts them, does your perspective change more from convos with B or from reading the story afterwards?
Captain: i guess it does sometimes, after readin the stories - i think, is there a way i couldve done it better - to maybe not hurt or upset people. its like my temper - i always end up usin my fists against bullies cos ive got a short fuse. my intro to mark was us havin fist fights. ive tried to control it and when i read the stories i think - shit was i really that uncool?
David: Do you think you would ever post the story about your suicidal thoughts or is that something that you might communicate one on one with someone thinking about it, like a counselor?
Mr B: Before the Captain answers that one, lemme say that it was some months after the event that the Captain decided to tell me about it, and it wasn't easy for him ... he had to work up to it. It wasn't one of his proudest moments, but it's behind him now, and he's learned from the experience.
Captain: ive had a guy write me cos he was feelin so depressed that he thought the only way out was to off himself. the reply was one of the hardest mails ive hadta write. i hadta try and make myself go back to how i felt at the time i wanted to do the same thing and almost relive the thoughts and feelins. im a softy - so i cry easily - yeah yeah i know its not "cool" but thats just me. i never heard from the dude for about three weeks after i wrote him and i went into a pit of depression wonderin if what i wrote actually pushed him that millimeter over the edge. when i eventually got a reply from him, sayin that everythin was alright and he had spent all that time writin down his thoughts and makin some goals for himself to fight for, i cried my eyes out cos i was so damn happy. we havent kept up the mails but every now and again ill get a "hi Cody" mail from him to let me know what hes up to. so to answer your question - no - i wont post the story cos every situation is different - you have to walk in a guys shoes to understand the depths of depression that he experiences when he gets to that stage. i will mostly always try and write to someone and try and make them understand that for whatever theyve lost - there are a million other things to live for. david - ive found your questions quite intense and i hope that ive answered them ok forya.Copyright © 2000 All rights reserved. mrbstories
