Sydney/Taree Australia
Part 15

B went on to tell me that because of his association with Sue and Lindsay, some people would assume that he was as crazy as they appeared to be. "First impressions, jumping to conclusions, birds of a feather, tarred with the same brush, all that kinda thing. So I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't pay to be concerned about what people think."

"Does it matter what I think?"

"Of course it does, Daniel."

"And Cody and Spencer and..."

"Yes, it matters what they think."

"So how come you're contradicting yourself?"

"It makes me interesting," he chuckled. "Anyway, life is full of contradictions. What I meant when I said that I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't pay to worry about what people think, was that I don't pretend to be anyone other than who I am. If people don't like who I am, that's just too bloody bad. And if they don't like the company I keep, that's just too bloody bad as well. Mind you, I don't go outa my way to be an open book to everyone I meet, but if people wanna get to know me, they get warts and all."

"I don't think you've got any warts."

"Depends on your interpretation of a wart. For example, some people would call my stories pornographic; some would call them erotica. Some people think they're brilliant; others think they're crap. So, if you can have such a diverse range of opinions about a particular subject, who's right and who's wrong?"

"But your stories are totally cool!"

"Would your mother agree with you?"

"Uh... maybe not."

"So who's right? You or your mom?"

"Does it have to be that way?"

"No, it doesn't have to be that way, Daniel. People can agree to disagree. I don't agree with my critics, of course, but they're entitled to think whatever they want, just as I am."

"What if I didn't like something about you? Would you change for me?"

"Nope. What would be the point? Anyway, that's hypothetical. Y'know, mate, it's interesting to observe Lindsay. He's tattooed - a legacy of his youth; something he did when he was about your age - he grows his hair half way to his waist, if he stood on a stack of papers they'd still all blow away in a slight breeze, he has ears that stick out, just one tooth, a goofy laugh, and whatever else. But he has no hesitation at all in approaching a total stranger, introducing himself while offering his hand, and becoming an instant friend. He's a very genuine person. He's also unaware of his eccentric appearance; or if he is aware, he doesn't let it bother him. I think he feels that what's on the inside far outweighs what's on the outside. In a way, consciously or subconsciously, he challenges people to see beyond the obvious. If he's sitting on the front verandah, he'll say g'day to every person who walks past the house, and comment on the weather."

"Does he have any friends?"

"Not really. He doesn't know how to cultivate friendships. He has no conversational skills. He reads the paper everyday, but it's as though he can't use that information to communicate his thoughts to another person. Maybe he doesn't really have any thoughts... or opinions... to communicate. Even the convos he has with Sue are limited. Mind you, she also lacks communication skills. I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with brain damage caused by alcoholism over the years."

"But you're their friend."

"I'm their carer. Friends are people with whom you have common interests."

"But you have common interests with Sue and Lindsay! You live in the same house."

"That's about it. Anyway, the point I was trying to make about Lindsay is that he doesn't apologize for who he is. What you see is what you get."

"But you said he doesn't have any friends."

"True. But that's because he can't cultivate friendships. He can initiate them, but that's the end of the road. From what I can gather, it all goes back to his childhood. He was rejected by his mother at 5 or 6 years of age. She just walked out of the house one day and never came back. His father remarried, but that didn't help much. Lindsay was always wagging school - playing truant - because he felt inferior to the other boys. To make it worse, they taunted him about his ears. Lindsay is still very bitter about his youth."

"How come Sue married him?"

"She was a rebel. She grew up in England, surrounded by middle-class wealth. She was heavily into show horses, and received many prizes for her riding, dressage, and that kinda thing. She played piano. She was an accomplished artist. She was bright and intelligent. Then she decided to see the world, or part of it. She travelled alone to Australia. Eventually, she met Lindsay in a pub. She liked him because he was the antithesis of all that she'd grown up with. He was a rebel too. He had absolutely no airs or graces. "No decorum" as he puts it. She felt comfortable with him because she could be herself... the person she couldn't be back home. Every now and then, she'll phone home, or they'll phone her, and she assumes a completely different persona. She becomes the Sue they knew back in England."

"What do they think about Lindsay?"

"They quite like him. They think he's a bit of a character. They met him once when he and Sue flew back to England for a holiday. That was about 10 years ago. They actually paid Lindsay's fare. Sue has been back twice since then. It's a different story with Lindsay's father and step mother, though. Lindsay's step mother didn't like Sue at all. According to Lindsay, the reason for his step mother's disapproval was because Sue was English. So Lindsay and his folks have been estranged since the day he and Sue were married, and that was 19 years ago."

"I know you're their carer and everything, B, but I still don't really understand why you would choose to live with them. They're just not your type."

"You wanna walk along the bank for a while? See what's down river?"

We'd eaten our burgers, and popped the wrappers in a bin, so going for a walk on such a nice sunny day was cool with me. After a few yards, and a bit of thinking, B decided to answer me.

"When I think back, it's like there's always been somebody trying to manipulate me; to tell me what to do, how to do it, and when. If it wasn't my mom, it was my teachers. And when I left school, it was my bosses. Ten years ago, I went into business with a guy, who proved to be an absolute asshole. Before I knew it, I'd been surrounded by so-called experts. They were experts alright... experts at sending dickheads like me broke. Then a couple of friends invited me to live with them on a small acreage on the fringe of Sydney to give me a chance to get my act together again. Within a few weeks, I was being criticized for this, and criticized for that. Why was I spending so much time at the computer? Why wasn't I spending more time with them? After that, I jumped outa the frying pan into the fire. I moved to Petersham to be close to a guy who owned and operated a video editing suite. He was also a cameraman, and we'd worked together previously on a couple of projects. So he took over from where everyone else had left off; giving me the constant third degree, telling me that I should be doing this, or not be doing that. Am I boring you, Daniel?"

"Yep."

"What is it about me? Why do I seem to attract people who insist on controlling my life?"

"'Cause you're a wuss."

"Anyway, just when it seemed to me that things couldn't possibly get any worse: that there was no escape from my downward spiral, I met Cody, and I began to write stories. The rest is history."

"But you still haven't explained why you choose to live with Sue and Lindsay."

"Simple. Sue and Lindsay don't tell me what to do. They don't criticize me. They don't interfere. They don't complain. It's just the opposite. They're grateful. I'm their saviour. Mind you, it wasn't always like that. Not all that long ago, my plan was to get a place of my own, and be independent again. But I began to get the guilts about leaving those two guys to their own devices. Sure, they could survive without me, and I without them, but I could never send them back to the misery they experienced before I took over their welfare."

We found ourselves on an old timber pier, staring down at the rippling, shimmering water, trying to spot a fish or two. Sure enough, I pointed at a glimmer of silver below the surface. "There's one! Whoa! It's a biggie!"

"Don't tell the pelicans. Actually, I'm a bit of a pelican myself. You don't find pelicans where there are no fish. Part of the reason I've decided to stay with Sue and Lindsay is that our combined incomes are sufficient to buy a house instead of spending the rest of our lives renting. So, I suppose my motives are not all that selfless."

"Remember what you said earlier? If pleasing ourselves results in pleasing others, there's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, it sounds like a win win to me. You get a house. Sue and Lindsay get a house. Hey! How cool is that?"

"Are you saying that you understand now why we all live together?"

"I think so. But you've been ripped off before, B. Big time. Don't let it fucking happen again. Promise? And another thing: what would have happened if you hadn't met Cody?"

"You and I wouldn't be here now, gazing into the waters of the Manning River, looking for signs of fish. Cody wouldn't be here now. Paul wouldn't be here now. Actually, we've all got you to thank for that, Daniel. It was you who saved our lives."

"What the fuck did I do?"

"Everything."

By the time B heard my piss splashing on the surface of the water below the pier, it was too late. "Daniel! There's a public toilet just over there... a few yards away." Then the old dude glanced frantically in all directions, hoping no one was looking. "Daniel, you can't just pee anywhere you wanna whenever you feel like it. You're not a little boy anymore."

"You noticed?" I cracked, which caused my piss to gyrate like a crazed snake. "What's the biggie, B? Guys like Bobby were pissing in the open air for 50,000 years. There were no toilets here before white man arrived."

"That's not the point! It's different now. We're supposed to be civilized."

"Yeah," I grinned as I shook the last few drops from my semi, and busted B having a good ol' gawk, "you were telling me all about civilization a few minutes ago."

"You can't blame civilization for my past problems, Daniel. I just happened to get tangled up with the wrong people."

"Were they all civilized?"

"Put that damn thing away. Now! And stay here while I go to the toilet... the PROPER place to go."

"I can't let you go in there alone, B," I explained as I followed him toward the toilet block. "There might be some weird dude in there."

"Then wait outside."

"What are you afraid of, B? You've got me all curious now."

"I don't want you looking at me while I'm... whatever. Wait outside."

"That's not fair! You gawked at mine for a whole damn minute!"

"Daniel," he said as he paused at the entrance to the toilet block, and waved his finger at me, "wait here. And don't argue!"

Well, I did what had B asked, and waited. But he didn't say how long I should wait. Right? So I figured about 3 seconds was enough. Then I tippy toed inside, and peered over his shoulder as he stood at the urinal. "Ooer! You're uncut."

"Jesus! What are you doing here?"

"Having a peek."

"Go away!"

"It's just a dick, B. Jeez! For a while there I thought you might be deformed or something. What are you worried about? There's nothing wrong with your dick."

"Daniel! Piss off! What if someone comes in and sees you peering at me like that? You're being outrageous!"

I was still giggling my tits off as I emerged from the toilet block, and back into the brilliant sunshine. What was it about B? Why was he so embarrassed? Did I intimidate him? That had to be it. I didn't have a prob waving my semi around on the pier, or pissing in the river. Hell, I didn't have a prob with most things. But B?

"Now, listen up, Daniel," he grumbled as he appeared, "don't do that again."

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